In the Gray

Something happened in the gray area. The area we are in when we don’t really know what the next step is. It should be terrifying but it’s not because it’s not totally dark but we can’t call it light yet.  This is the area I’ve spent most of my adult life running from. I needed the control of knowing what’s next and what I need to do to sustain it.

One day I just stopped. I was curious to see if the sky would fall. It didn’t. What fell was every belief I had about what was expected of me to be able to live a safe, acceptable life. I had done the classes. Done the hustling. Done the wife-ing, the partnering, the daughtering, the sister-ings, you name it. And still, I was always one mistake away from losing it all.

 Those titles, the very achievements I chased, had become the heaviest chains holding me hostage.

The gray area isn’t a trap. It’s a chance. A chance to decide what story you want to tell. To see clearly who is stopping you from rewriting your narrative and remove them.

If more people told the truth about falling, more of us could learn. More of us could avoid mistakes that feel inevitable until we see them laid bare.

We are all free. The game is over the moment we realize it. And in that realization, the story is ours to write.