Women Supporting Women is Often a Myth in Practice

Before most women are supported, they are tested, judged and most of this comes from other women.

The issue dominates most cultures. In black culture, where excellence is the baseline standard, judgement is harsher and more public. Other cultures still have similar judgement, but it is usually kept private. Within family, in private DM’s and private meetings rather than public call outs. Public judgment in Black culture makes the dynamic more visible, but the root is universal.

Problem in action

Media frames the struggle as “fight patriarchy” but ignores the lack of solidarity among women themselves. Too of us choose public shaming instead of private correction. The public shaming also allows men to dogpile, amplifying the damage.

The root cause

Women are socialized to seek validation and punished for stepping outside that. When another woman does something outside the “rules”.

Her instinct is to:

Call it out publicly as truth telling

 Seeking validation from others: “You see this too, right? This is wrong, right?”

The cycle feeds itself: shame to validation and them repeat.

Resolution

 When you strip it back, the behavior shows women are the same across cultures in this: seeking validation and fearing shame.

Recognizing the root is key if women ever want to support each other beyond slogans.